My pregnancy app tells me that it is day 243 (’37 days to go!’ it also says, excitedly) and my baby is the size of a muskmelon. Why babies are measured in comparison to fruit and vegetables in the womb is a whole topic of its own that I may deal with later.

I am writing this blog because:

A) My beloved job as editor of a music magazine inconveniently ended 2 months ago. It was too short before having a baby to find something else meaningful but has been way too long to sit around doing nothing.

B) I’m British but live in Germany. Every day, bizarre things happen to me and my sister often says, ‘You should really write this stuff down. People wouldn’t believe you!’.

C) PEOPLE DON’T TELL YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IN PREGNANCY. This is either a massive conspiracy, which is done to keep humans reproducing (because the truth would undoubtedly put people off), or it is because women get all gooey about their newborn babies and forget what really happens. Don’t get me wrong – I am extremely grateful that I’m going to have a baby (’37 days to go!’) and it was something I always wanted. But there is a lot of weird sh*t that happens to your body and mind and you need to do a lot of research/delicately asking friends with children to realise that you’re not a freak. Some of this will be gross and personal. Come to think of it, I probably shouldn’t post any of it online as I might not have any friends left if they read it.

D) If it makes one person laugh or they are able to relate to it in some way, then it’s worthwhile.