With three days to go before the due date, I am very firmly in the waiting zone. Moving around isn’t easy anymore and I don’t want to go too far away from home in case everything kicks off, plus sitting down for a break every few minutes has become a necessity. This is giving me a lot of time to think about this year and the pregnancy; I know 2016 has been a very tough year for a lot of people and I do feel as though pregnancy has been one big test for me from start to finish.

When we first found out that I was pregnant, my partner wasn’t sure that he wanted to go ahead with it all. We were at a make-or-break point in our relationship but after several weeks of uncertainty and anxiety we decided to go for it by looking for a bigger flat to move in to. I spent a month with my mum in the UK at this time and went for an early ultrasound as there were some concerns that it could be an ectopic pregnancy.

Next up came moving house, worries over my future with the Brexit result and if it would affect me as someone who spends time living and working in two different countries. I applied for a portable healthcare document from the UK so that my pregnancy care would be covered in Germany too – it took from May until the end of October to get the paperwork sorted out with HMRC, which was hugely stressful as check ups, scans and midwife appointments all had to be regularly carried out during that time and I didn’t want to have to fly back to the UK every few weeks.

Then I found out that my job was at risk of ending – the magazine I was editor for for 2.5 years was sold to the publisher of its rival title. After a few months of being told it was ‘business as usual’ and then being flown over for a training day at the new publishers, they closed the magazine the following day. I had three months to fill between that time and the end of the pregnancy, making it virtually impossible to find a new job for such a short space of time. In that period I have really struggled to find my own identity. I’m not officially an editor now. I used to say I was a drummer but I haven’t been able to play much in a long time. I’m not a housewife and I’m not a mother yet.

Three weeks before the due date I discovered something had happened, which forced me to decide if I should stay in the relationship with my partner or try to do everything, including the birth, on my own. It felt like the end of the world and an appointment with the doctor that week made things even worse; we were told that the baby hadn’t grown much in the past month and that we needed to go for extra check ups at the hospital to make sure that it was strong enough for the birth. I was told to rest as much as possible, which gave me far too much time to think about everything. The doctor said that the baby was likely to be early, and at that point I heard from my midwife, who said she was taking a spontaneous holiday. She would be away until the day before the due date!

Although these were all moments that made me anxious and sad, they all had positive sides and effects. The early scan meant that my mum was able to be an important part of the pregnancy and she saw and heard the heartbeat in those first weeks, even though the baby was just the size of a grain of rice. The new flat that my partner and I live in is beautiful, light, spacious, and we have made it ours together.

The portable healthcare document took so long to come through that it had to be re-dated, meaning it is now valid for a year (plus if all else fails, I think I could apply for a job at HMRC because I know so much about the process for the form now). I put everything into my job on the magazine and the months that followed have given me time to adjust to a different way of life and to being a mum. I’ve been able to enjoy pregnancy and have been relaxed without always working to deadlines. I don’t know what I’ll do next but at least I have time to focus on this part of my life now.

My relationship has been brought right back down to its roots, forcing us to look at the way we communicate with each other and giving us a chance to build it back up. It’s not the best time for that to happen but I know that I can rely on my partner for the birth and that the baby and our future together are important to him.

The extra hospital appointments gave me a chance to get to know the birthing centre and where I will need to go when it all starts. The latest appointment showed that the baby is moving around a lot and seems healthy – giving birth to a small baby isn’t the worst thing in the world! We’ve almost made it to the due date and my amazing midwife will be back tomorrow.

So we just have the final test left now – the actual part of giving birth. We’ve been through a lot in the last nine months though and we’ve survived this far. I’ve found out that I have more strength than I thought I did in many areas of my life and I have the feeling that the baby is a little fighter too. I’m looking forward to meeting them!