I’ve found out a few things about friendship since living in another country.

1. When you move to another country, you truly do find out who your real friends are
2. You can probably count them on one hand
3. You really value friends from your mother country staying in touch with you
4. It’s hard and can take a lot of work to make friendships in your new country
5. When you make a friend, particularly one who shares your mother language, they provide you with a little lifeline. They anchor you to your new home.
6. People who you make friends with often move away
7. Number 6 sucks.

Living in a country where the language isn’t native to me (and that I’ve had to work really hard on to speak and understand), as well as being in my 30’s with a toddler to look after (I can’t socialize like I used to), means that making friends in Germany has been difficult. Quite often, I’ve found it to be a bit like dating.

I’ve felt like how a dog must feel when it sees another dog through a sea of human legs. ‘Oh, hey there! Let’s be friends!’. I’ve heard someone speaking English in a crowd and wanted them to be my friend immediately so we could navigate this crazy land together over a cup of tea. Someone who I could tell my worries and problems to without having to worry or think about the words I was choosing.

It’s not even that I then see these people every day but I know that they are there, at reach in my community. My little lifeline. Someone to grab a coffee with or meet for a spontaneous walk around the Alster. At times, you can feel like you’re the only person in the world who feels a bit lonely and the thought that that person is within reach is comforting.

The problem with being an ex pat is that the friends you make are often ex pats too. More often than not, that means that they will move again, leaving you bereft and back on the friend-dating market. There are Facebook groups (great ones, I might add) to help meet people and there is the old fashioned way of meeting people through every day life. But it is hard and no one prepares you for that.

Two of my little lifelines are leaving soon so, for anyone looking for a friend, I have space ❤