A few definitions of growth are:

‘The process of increasing in size’

‘The process of developing physically, mentally or spiritually’

‘The process of increasing in amount, value or importance’.

I like to think that 2019 has seen me grow in all of these ways, quite unexpectedly.

It started out with tremendous loss – the loss of my dad – and at the exact same time, finding out I was pregnant. I’m now two weeks from the due date so I have grown in a very obvious physical way,  as you would expect. Thinking about pregnancy and birth, the ways in which you grow are so vast; you grow a whole set of new organs for someone else, you grow a new organ to support their growth and your own anatomy shifts to make space for it all. Birthing a child causes your organs to shift and relocate once again. It’s like being remade and reformed. It changes you physically, spiritually and emotionally; you grow.

I’ve grown in other ways too. 3 years ago, at this exact time now but before my daughter was born, my partner and I went through a crisis in our relationship. We stayed together and worked on things and now, a similar set of circumstances that mirrored that experience have come up again. This time there was no crisis and no betrayal. I’ve learnt how to trust him again and it felt like the circle had been closed.

2019 has taught me to make space for myself and the people who matter the most to me. Instead of trying to include people who were always hard work, because I felt I was obligated to stay in touch with them and work at the relationship, I’ve let them go. Growth requires space.